Home is Where My Habits Have a Habitat

I am a nail biter. I'm not sure when it really started but i'm pretty sure it has only gotten worse. Right now i am completely stressed out and the brunt of it has been taken out on my poor little nails. I didn't notice how horrible they were until i realized that they almost look as awful as the example of extreme biting on Wikipedia. Eek.

Then on the subway i saw this man with perfectly glossed lips and shiny well manicured nails. I looked at the nubs of my nails and felt slightly jealous/disappointed that he looked so much better than I did! I'm not sure what the cure is-less stress? Impossible! I attempted to paint gross tasting polish on them but then i just added a new habit of picking it off and then biting. Or not even biting them but peeling the nail. Gross.

If all else fails i could always go to a rehab clinic for nail biting. All I need to do is hop on a plane to Venlo, Netherlands and start my treatment.

Freeze Me out

I have a huge issue with asking other people for help. My biggest and most recent example of this would be my freezer. I'm not sure exactly how it happened but my frezer rebelled and became this:


Yea that would be my freezer. I have been trying a multitude of ways to fix it but I cannot seem find the solution. My real issue is that it has gotten so horrific that I am ultra embarrased to actually get it fixed. I guess eventually i will just have to suck it up and ask haha...xoxo*

PS that yellow thing is a towel that i was using in one of my experiments to fix my freezer. it failed. and was then eaten by my freezer.

Mother, Mother

All generations tend to be a little different due to a myriad of factors-economic, state of the world, technology etc. As a result each generation of parents have varying styles parenting. Well, my mother is pretty much obsessed with the way I look (and the way she looks). I have noticed that a lot of my friends have simlar problems with their mothers.
 
This came to a head yesterday when my mom and I had an hour arguement because my sister tattled that I was wearing flats to an early dinner instead of heels (the average age at the Oceana restaurant at 6pm was 85 so who exactly was I supposed to be impressing?). Apparently, flat shoes make me look 'dumpy' which means i look like a hot mess which in turn means i am disappointing the family. Okay, that might sound like an overreaction but thats pretty much my mother's way of thinking. She then told me that the real problem wasn't my flat shoes but that i would not admit that i looked 'unattractive' wearing them. Whut?
 
Let's just say the conversation didn't end well.
 
It does worry me about our generation as parents-especially with a lot of girls who have weight insecurities. Do these problems get passed down from generation to generation? Sadly, I think they do.

Lonely In The City

There have been a myriad of articles about whether or not NYC is a lonely place. There have also been sayings and songs with the same theme: being lonely in a crowded room.

Lately, the feeling of loneliness has been hitting me harder than usual. I'm a very independent person- I go to museums, concerts, and Russia solo without blinking an eye.

However, I am starting to really tire of not having many true connections-especially in the city. I'm not really sure what else i can do to fix this...xoxo*

Communicate Me!

My biggest pet peeves are pretty much the same thing: being ignored and flaky people. I'm not sure how these things happen or why it seems to be so difficult for people to be reliable. This is especially compounded by the fact there are so many means to communicate. I have my glorious iphone (call and text), email, facebook, livejournal, twitter and this blog. I realize that there are people out there who aren't as *~connected*~ but everyone has at least two different ways to communicate.

The thing that most people do not understand is that i don't really care if you don't want to do something or cannot make it but damnit respond. It takes 2secs to send a text or an email or a facebook message so just choose one and do it! Basic etiquette, people. I am extremely independent and can do 99% of things on my own but i do expect follow through!

In the general scheme of things it takes very little to make me happy: a little acknowledgment and respect and i'm good. For those who cannot manage those little things-well then, i'm done!

Hello Stem Cells

A little known fact: I used to be really conservative- pro-life and all. That all changed when I had to do a report from the reciprocal viewpoint and well, totally reversed my position. I became hardcore liberal and spent the majority of high school defending that vision (which was pretty much a daily battle!). However, at closer inspection of the whole political scene I became disheartened by party lines. I understand why they exist-partly because of money but really for simplificiation purposes. It is much easier to claim a party than a viewpoint.

As a result, my thoughts shifted and became only issue based. There are two issues that are extremely important to me. The first is women's equality (obviously) which just parallels my feelings on meritocracy (still not sure why there is still a wage gap or any of that other nonesense). The second issue is something that I will never ever understand a varying opinion on and that is stem cell reserach.

The reason is highly personal- I have been a type one diabetic for 19 years. I indubitably believe that my cure will be a result of stem cell research. Douglas Melton and his team at the Harvard Stem Cell Institute are leading this battle which I follow intently. Clinicals for stem cell and other pancreatic cell therapies are getting closer to full human trials.

I cannot express what a cure would mean to me. Or to describe the weight that would be lifted to not spend every moment, on some level, thinking about my blood sugars or injections. I am lucky to have a 'tamer' disease and to be a professional at it-but its called chronic for a reason. Every day we get closer and that is what keeps me hoping.

6 Month Catch-Up

It has been about six months since my last entry and so much has happened. I suppose that is expected-there is a good chunk of time invested in half a year (and closer and closer to my quarter century mark). When I try to take a snapshot of what has happened I honestly automatically just capture a blank.

Yet I have travelled to Eastern Europe (which wasn't techinically Eastern Europe but that is what Contiki calls it so I will 'trust' them on that). The most interesting part of that adventure was Poland-precedence is given to my heritage. It is always striking to go to a country and feel that you look so similar to those people-I have experienced this in Russia and Poland so I do stick true to the stereotype (and damn proud!). This was my first time travelling in a group and I am mildly surprised to say that I did enjoy it. Maybe my almost-obsession with independence does hold me back a bit.

I also joined a few volunteer committees-mostly for the cause and partially to make friends (elementary school style of course). I hit up a few concerts in the past six months (Lisa Loeb, Vanessa Carlton, Alanis, Duffy, Rachael Yamagata-yea that's right chic rock music but with solid lyrics!). One of my favorite events was Family Guy Live! -which was completely amazing- besides you can't be a crowd of FG fans.

NYE was spent happily and drunk at Tavern on the Green. It was a great way to start 2009-an enormous buffet, free flowing drinks, and kissing a couple of boys. I passed my one year mark of being an official New Yorker (even though I was UES born!) and the first 6 weeks or so of this year have really flown by.

Sometimes I feel bored-I know ironic but after discussing and uber-analyzing this I have decided that that is not true-I'm restless. So what is the cure? I will constantly move and shake, plan, go to lectures and concerts and bars, throw ridiculous theme parties with cupcakes, and plan out-of-state/country trips (I still really want to go to Iceland!). So maybe i'm not restless either, maybe i'm just really addicted to constant stimulation. And I am very much okay with that...xoxo*

Word Up: A Not So Secret Word Addict

Yesterday Daily Candy published:
It was a light read clearly for humor but it reminded me how much I love words.

Now that is a bizarre thing to love-but its true. I have been obsessed with words for as long as I can remember. I believe that every thought, feeling, and image has the appropriate yet unique word combination to match. This is why I find myself frequently jotting down pieces of first draft poetry on my iphone then rehashing it later, usually at 3am. I was never a huge fan of prose- sometimes it feels too bulky but words…words I love.

When I was younger I used to read the dictionary. That's right the handheld Webster dictionary. In fact that copy was crazily annotated-I checked the words I did know and had various markings for words I either completely did not know or words that had multiple meanings. Dictionary reading was a 'unique' hobby my dad and I had-something that he now mentions at dinner parties while everyone looks at me like I'm a nut. I once tried to read the encyclopedia but the pages were flimsy and it just wasn't enjoyable to me. It felt possible to learn every single word in that dictionary but memorizing an encyclopedia? Was not happening. I did, however, read a book about a man's journey to read the entire encyclopedia. It drove him (and his wife) insane- lesson learned.

People have asked me if I have a favorite word and I don't. I typically go through word phases (currently I use 'clearly' and 'fabulous' incessantly even though I don't consider them to be remarkably special). I do remember the first two SAT vocab words I really loved (verbose and laconic-apparently I like word pairs). Words that mean their own antonym (such as censure and cleave) are especially fascinating to me. 'Smutty' is also a dear favorite of mine-which was discovered after trying to IM the word 'slutty' on my iphone-instead it autocorrected to 'smutty' (a much more entertaining word).

Sometimes I worry that my vocabulary is decreasing at a rapid pace-I use such a small variety of words on a daily basis. And text messages aren't exactly helping. So tonight I will curl up with my dictionary, read a couple of chapters, and quiz my father in the morning.…xoxo*