It’s Like Learning to Fly While Falling in Love

I despise most articles about relationships but this one caught my eye.

Honestly, I don’t like discussing relationships-I love analyzing/helping out others but when it comes to me…well, I would rather not. I feel that my ‘dating personality’ is very misunderstood and all I hear from people is how they assume that it should all be so easy for me. Apparently I’m too picky (I should be), I’m not sexy enough (that one is from my mother!), I make it obvious when I’m bored (true but faking anything is a waste of time), and my favorite: not putting out is hurting my chances (ha! because that’s a guarantee).

Yet, I have never been more optimistic about love.

How the hell did this happen?

I’ve had no luck with the relationship thing. I’ve yet to be in anything serious –usually I get into long complicated situations that never turn into anything substantial. My first kiss was a month before my 19th birthday to a guy who supposedly doesn’t remember- and whom I later discovered actually wanted to date my best friend (ouch). There have been multiple love triangles, breakups with extremely bad timing, a lot of things unremembered and unrequited. I was an over-analytical nut who wrote scathing letters and actually sent them.

Then that all just stopped. I would like to say that I met some one and it all became magically perfect but that’s not true. Part of it is that I figured myself out - finally at the point where I know I can flourish in a relationship. I am no longer afraid of falling in love and 'losing' myself. Additionally, I decided to forgive all of those guys who hurt me in the past. They were not, as I used to love to think, diabolical schemers plotting to destroy me. All of them spent a good deal of time getting to know me-and most of them did like me at one point. Timing is everything-and none of those guys at the time could have given me what I wanted and were well, still in their smutty life stage.

I’m not saying that I don’t get lonely. Or question why I haven’t managed to get into a serious relationship. But I am beginning to realize that that is all a waste of tears and anxiety.

I know I will be with my soulmate so until then I am just going to fill my life with self-adventures and trusty worthy friends. And I will certainly enjoy myself.

Word Up: A Not So Secret Word Addict

Yesterday Daily Candy published:
It was a light read clearly for humor but it reminded me how much I love words.

Now that is a bizarre thing to love-but its true. I have been obsessed with words for as long as I can remember. I believe that every thought, feeling, and image has the appropriate yet unique word combination to match. This is why I find myself frequently jotting down pieces of first draft poetry on my iphone then rehashing it later, usually at 3am. I was never a huge fan of prose- sometimes it feels too bulky but words…words I love.

When I was younger I used to read the dictionary. That's right the handheld Webster dictionary. In fact that copy was crazily annotated-I checked the words I did know and had various markings for words I either completely did not know or words that had multiple meanings. Dictionary reading was a 'unique' hobby my dad and I had-something that he now mentions at dinner parties while everyone looks at me like I'm a nut. I once tried to read the encyclopedia but the pages were flimsy and it just wasn't enjoyable to me. It felt possible to learn every single word in that dictionary but memorizing an encyclopedia? Was not happening. I did, however, read a book about a man's journey to read the entire encyclopedia. It drove him (and his wife) insane- lesson learned.

People have asked me if I have a favorite word and I don't. I typically go through word phases (currently I use 'clearly' and 'fabulous' incessantly even though I don't consider them to be remarkably special). I do remember the first two SAT vocab words I really loved (verbose and laconic-apparently I like word pairs). Words that mean their own antonym (such as censure and cleave) are especially fascinating to me. 'Smutty' is also a dear favorite of mine-which was discovered after trying to IM the word 'slutty' on my iphone-instead it autocorrected to 'smutty' (a much more entertaining word).

Sometimes I worry that my vocabulary is decreasing at a rapid pace-I use such a small variety of words on a daily basis. And text messages aren't exactly helping. So tonight I will curl up with my dictionary, read a couple of chapters, and quiz my father in the morning.…xoxo*

Obligatory Introduction Post

So I suppose this is where I introduce myself: I’m Natalie *waves*. I graduated college last year, traveled solo to Finland, Estonia, and Russia, then spent a few months back home in South Florida. As soon as I figured out my plan I moved to Manhattan-a dream I’ve had for years.

When I moved in December I promised myself I would take advantage of everything NYC has to offer. I would definitely not let any one else bring me down-something that happened too easily in the past. I would also push back any fears or shyness and just go for what I want.

So far I have grown more than I ever imagined.

I’ve been toying with the idea of a blog for a while now. I don’t have a theme and its going to vary from my personal journal. Mostly its going to be comprised of random thoughts/adventures I am having.

I hope you enjoy!..xoxo*